So, its Facebook’s 10th year anniversary. And as a treat, they are making movies for all their users. I saw mine. Apparently, I’ve been on Facebook for 9 years. 9 years ago, I was graduating from university. A roommate (or housemate), sent me an invite (invites were all the rage back then…I believe that trend was started by Gmail….or did Gmail copy that from Facebook?). I was still using Friendster at that time (does anyone even remember Friendster? Or even heard of it? MySpace just never really worked for me. Also, my housemates and I were all going to use Xanga to keep updated with each other’s lives…yeah…right). And then in medical school, it seemed as if you weren’t on Facebook, you really just weren’t going to be able to keep up with everyone at all. AND, people seemed to check their emails constantly. Actually, I’m going to blame my internet addiction on medical school, is that ok?
I’m fairly certain that this gesture of goodwill was calculated to remind their users of their fondness/attachment to FaceBook and to continue using it so that Mark Zuckerberg can remain a billionaire.
Unfortunately for me, Facebook seems to have done the opposite. It reminded me of how much happier, and how much simpler life was 10 years ago. 10 years ago, life seemed as if everything was possible, everything was going according to plan. Man, I was dumb. But the truth is, I was happy too.
10 years later. I don’t feel happy anymore. I feel as if I’m always fighting against a very strong tide that threatens to pull me under almost every minute. My friends are married, with great careers and husbands and children. I’m not jealous. I refuse to be jealous because I don’t think you can be truly happy for someone if you are jealous of them too. And I am very very happy for my friends who are happy, and I’m sad for my friends who are still searching. But the thing is, nothing has gone according to plan. I am supposed to be (happily) married by now, with my own practice, raising two perfect children. Instead, I’m jobless, although I’m a graduate of several internationally renowned institutions. I’m in a long distance relationship that is going nowhere but I’m afraid to end it because I’m too damm afraid that maybe I won’t find anyone else. And yes, I know that is a really really stupid reason to remain in a relationship but I’m hopeful (or perhaps I’m just in denial) that we’ll both find that happy place and we can both be happy with each other.
Maybe I just need to quit Facebook.