One of the hardest part about having returned home, is realizing that my friends have all grown up and moved on with their lives… I’m not begrudging them for having moved on, far from it. But it is rather jarring. And disconcerting. Its not as if I’ve stayed completely static either. I’ve left home, but all I’ve done is run around in circles. I’ve had adventures, but it feels as if I’m back in the same spot. I want to think that I’ve grown up somewhat. But I always seem to be two steps behind everyone. Its been that way ever since I was a kid. When I was in Sec 1, everyone was studious, and grown up, walking with their shoulders upright, talking about teenage stuff, while I was still running around in the top balcony trying to convince my friends that 13 really wasn’t that far off from 12 and that it was still okay to play ‘catch’. By the time we were in Sec 2, I could fool them no longer and I was left alone. So I retreated to the back gardens and read and read and read. For the most part, it was easier to ignore that everyone else was growing up without me. Even when I was in JC, I was, for the most part, ‘out of the loop’.
It was easier in university. I was the one of the older persons in my year (kind of comes with the territory when our school year is out of sync with the US) but I found myself hanging around the seniors because it was easier to be the younger one in the group, then to be the older one. At least, it gave me an excuse to be as childish as I wanted.
But now that I’m back, all my friends have grown up with families, careers. While I seem to be perpetually stuck in this loop of … I don’t even know what to call it. Adolescence?