new babies

I found out yesterday that a close friend of mine from Secondary school (who married her JC sweetheart) just had her second baby. How time flies! After all, I found out that she was carrying the little tyke when I was last in Singapore before uprooting myself (again!) to London. It also gave me some pause for thought, because I am also a newly minted aunt. And I sat there and thought about all the people that I know (and still keep in close contact with) who have children (or about to have one…congrats megpie!). And then I thought of my three besties.One of whom is married and is trying for a baby, and the other two are single. One is already thinking about settling down (as soon as she finds someone suitable), while the other is still … being herself.
And then I thought about me. And what I want. I think I had once told the urologist that all I want is to find someone to settle down and have children with. The look of shock and disappointment on his face was almost enough to have me retracting my words. But then again, I was in a bad place at that time, having only lost my job a couple of weeks prior. I was, I think, in shock. I think I am more or less recovered now even though I am still a) jobless and b) poor once more. But I’m in school, and perhaps, if I’m lucky, something else will open up. But in the meantime, I find myself in the same position as I was 3 years ago. Rootless. I think that’s why none of my relationships ever worked out. I never could see those boys being willing to move all over the place with me as I tried to seek out what it was that I wanted to do. But, I think, not having someone to tie me down also ultimately led to my downfall. But then, isn’t it rather pathetic that I need to have someone in order to be happy? After all, isn’t that what all KC girls rally against? Or at the very least were taught that was not true? I always thought that it was a privilege to be a KC girl, and that I was in the unique position of being raised to be a young independent woman and that it would be the happier outcome. Well, I’m no longer young, and still not independent (thanks to mom and dad..phew!). And still not happy. So what now?

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ChiefMonkey

I've been swinging from place to place looking for new adventures every day.

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