I found out last week that my PI when I was a medical student passed away on Thursday. I think I’m still in a state of shock. He was a well-renowned epidemiologist who trained as an internist, and then received further training in preventive medicine. He had a career I can only dream of. Although I did not see him much during my year in the lab, because he was always travelling promoting his pet project that was finally bearing fruit after 15 years.
No one had told me he was sick. A year ago, someone had briefly mentioned that he was recovering from brain surgery but when I tried to find out more, everyone was pretty evasive. And I found out last week that the tumor came back, more aggressive than ever. And he passed away in his sleep. And at this point, this is where I’m lost. I’m frustrated where I am. I sometimes think I’m not cut out for medicine. I’m too high strung. I get agitated too easily. I get angry too easily. I don’t work well with others. I think I should have gone into another field. Something that required less agitation.
I still don’t know what my next step is. I’m still thinking. I probably should have quit if I wanted to quit last year. But I did not. And now I’m half way through. I guess the smarter move would be to just keep going. You can do anything for only a year and a half. And then I can sit for my boards. And pray very very hard that I can pass it. And then…I’ll be free. Free I guess to make more changes to my life.