tell me something I don’t know …

I saw him on Sunday. Its been a couple of weeks. Everytime I call, he lets it go to voicemail. Its ok, I tell myself. Its his regular pattern. Everytime he meets someone new….that’s what he does. Its not that he’s avoiding my phonecalls, but with work, and the girl, he doesn’t neccessarily have the time to pick up my calls. But this time, it hits me harder than it did before. It hurts. And I know why it hurts because I know that everytime he does this, there is a chance that it will be permanant and any hopes I may have of us eventually being a ‘we’ goes ever so dim. Not that it was ever bright to begin with. But when I think of the wedding I attended on Saturday, I’m reminded of how happy the couple were. I remember how they first got started and my heart starts aching because even though my cynical brain remembers the advice:”better to be with someone who is more in love with you than you are with him” given by my Sec school Engilsh teacher, and that at the end of the day, choosing a partner has to be a practical decision in order for it to last, I can’t help but feel that I want the same sort of wedding, and the same sort of marriage that I’m sure the couple from Saturday are, and will have: one that is full of love, and mutual respect, and laughter, and shared tears.
But he didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend. Not at first. I asked him who he was seeing, and he tried to brush it off. But his mom, who didn’t know our secret, almost babbled it out. And after that, he really didn’t have a choice. I tried ever so hard to be brave. I teased him about it, told him that I know he was seeing someone and reminded him, once again, that I am one of his closest friends from medical school and I wanted to be invited to his wedding. And finally, he caved and told me bits of it. She’s a medical student. *scandal* LOL. Its ok, I tell myself. Maybe she’ll be the one. And I’ll be happy for him. Because I want to be.

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ChiefMonkey

I've been swinging from place to place looking for new adventures every day.

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