We had a party last night. We meant to have a party on a friday night anyway. So it was a huge coincidence that it happened to fall on Leap day. Anyway, the party was fun. But the
ex Friend was invited. Both of us are actively working on creating and building a benign friendly relationship. And for the most part, I think we achieved it. Except for the end of the night. I had gotten tired and went back upstairs to retire for the night. Without saying goodbye to everyone. I didn’t want to spoil their fun or make him feel like he had to leave (he looked like he was having a riot) so I just … left. Anyway, about 10 mins later, he called looking for me. He came up. I don’t know what came over me except I shamelessly threw myself at him. He remained a gentleman throughout. He maintained that he did not want to hurt me. He felt that I would only regret it the next morning and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt me further. I appreciate it. Very much. But I still wanted him so bad it wasn’t funny. I wanted him to lie down next to me and snuggle with me. The snuggling is still the one thing he did very well, and very naturally. He didn’t do it because the girl wanted it…he did it because he liked it too. But, and this is really mean of me, but it made me feel a little better to know that I wasn’t the only one who missed us. I could sense, somehow that he too wanted to just hug me and snuggle up with me and that it took a lot out of him to maintain his composure.
I still miss him. But after last night….I need to learn to behave much much better. I want to continue to see him. I want us to remain friends. And to do that … I need to be … good.