OMG. I am so angry. I am so angry at that damm fire alarm that chose to go off at 2freaking am in the freaking morning. Why am I so angry? I am angry because even though they installed the new fire alarms that supposedly aren’t as sensitive and won’t go off for no freaking reason at all, that damm thing still chooses to have go off for no reason. I am angry because the new fire alarms have strobe lights that go off in a tiny studio that is essentially a dorm room giving me a false heart attack and stroke all at the same time. In fact, when it woke me up, I actually thought I had stroked out from being so angry the night before. And then we all had to wait out in the freaking cold, when we are having a winter storm warning, when its quite literally ice-y out for the firemen to come. And I completely understand that they are up at 2freaking am in the morning too and they aren’t quite happy at being woken up. But for crudd’s sake. You know its a false alarm. You know its cold out. You know that we aren’t dressed too warmly. And yes, I agree. Its against regulations. But we are all up. And downstairs. Let us stay indoors in the freaking warm while you figure out how to turn this off. Can’t figure out how to turn this thing off? oops. Why don’t you kids stay outside in the cold and freeze your tailbones off while we try to figure out how to work this new thing.
But why was I so angry the night before? I was angry because that is how you grief. First comes shock. Then denial. Now comes anger. I suppose being sad and acceptance will come later. But that’s not too bad, isn’t it. Its only been 4 days and I’ve already reached anger. He told me, last night, after we had drove out to see the eclipse, that the paperwork for the cufflinks I had gotten him for the holidays was finally returned to him. WTF??!! Apparently, the Sandwich company had to scan it to make sure there were no bugs in it. You know, industrial espionage in a sandwich design company. Serious business. And the paperwork for us to be friends came back. Great. So while the paperwork that will allow us to snuggle up, kiss, hold hands remains in limbo and in effect ‘not approved’, the friendship paperwork, a subset of a relationship paperwork was approved within 24 hours. I suppose I should be grateful for that at least right? After all, there was a potential that we could not even hang out and that I would never ever be able to see him. Ever again.
Halfway through the post. The fire alarm went off. Again. And now they say that they can’t turn off the lights. Because everytime they do that, the alarm will go off again. Essentially, they put in a new alarm that they don’t know how to handle. Brilliant.
And I had a semi-heart to heart talk with a friend. And during the process caused him to make a mistake while he was doing an experiment that has taken 2 weeks. I feel really really bad. But he suggested that perhaps the Ex is using his job as an excuse. Maybe. It is a rather brilliant excuse to break off with someone without seeming like the super asshole. But I refuse to believe it. I can’t because if I do, it would have made the past 4 mths worthless. I can’t do that. I won’t allow myself to do it.
And so now what? I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I can’t, at least, not right now, hang out with him on a one-to-one basis. If we are to get back to normality, other people have to be involved. And while I feel really bad for the third party involved, I need someone else to be there because otherwise, I’m just going to keep getting upset or think of ridiculous probing questions to ask him and its not helping me move on.