This has been a rather stressful week so far with some rather unexpected developments.
Last Fri, Mike calls and leaves a message. I didn’t call him back immediately because well, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to deal with his ‘wife’ again.
Mon: I emailed Mike. He says he will call later. Knowing Mike, later can mean 11pm. So I called him back in the afternoon. He says his fiance (not wife!) is in TheSunnyState. Due to her sensitivity re: his ex-gfs (I don’t remember that many of them calling when I dated him…), he didn’t call me back immediately when I called him a couple of months ago. He wants to meet up to catch up because we are still friends … I said, ok. I’m not going back to TheCityThatReads to see you but if you want, you can drive here. He said ok. So I said I’ll email. And he’s like, erm, no. Calling is better. She might find out. *SKETCH ALERT!* Like the idiot that I am, I agreed.
I got a phone call from him again later in the evening but I had left my phone in my room when I went to HQ for the conference. Had a super-long talk over some JD and coke with my Convent-mates and TheCook. They all thought that it was a bad bad idea to meet up. And that if I want to meet up with my super-skeezy ex-bf, the least I can do is go in with some backbone and not allow him to push me around (again!). I agreed.
Tues morning: text him with time and place for dinner. He texts me back to say not a good idea but that he will call. sigh. I called back after work. By this time, I was fuming. Not to mention I really didn’t want to see him at all. Told him I didn’t think it was a good idea to see him behind his fiance’s back. He agreed. Said he had a change of heart too. And that all he wanted to do was to say hi, say goodbye (he’s moving to cali) and wish me luck.
Its been 3 freaking years. I can’t believe I still allow him to affect me this way. I nearly cried in front of TheCook last night because I was so upset. I was upset at how I allowed him to affect me. I was upset I didn’t get a chance to show him that I had moved on too and that I was better for it. I was upset because….I don’t know why I’m upset. I only know that till this day, I can’t look at a bridal magazine without wanting to cry. Its not that I’m desperate to get married. I don’t even really want to get married. I only wanted to marry him. Again, I don’t know why him. He wasn’t the most handsome of men. In fact, he’s a little obese. He snored. How in the world do you think I learnt about sleep apnea? Not the best genes around. He was also fairly cocky. And he was never very good with money. Nor was he the most realistic of person.
I clearly need to have my head checked.