I’m an idiot. Its plain and simple.
I keep setting myself up for all the disappointments I face. I knew from the beginning that I would get heart-broken. And yet I pursued it anyway. I could have kept myself in check and my fantasy could have remained just that. But noooo, I had to pursue it and make it a reality. Well, boys and girls. Reality sucks.
And now I have this stupid shelf which I’m probably not going to do well in anyway. And yes, I know. Self-fullfilling prophecy yada yada yada. I thought I would do well on the OB shelf. Guess how pissed I was when I didn’t. SO I think maybe it might just be better if I remain pessimistic. That way the fall won’t be as hard.