confessions of a closet romantic

Despite my protestations, I’m a closet romantic.

I can recollect the numerous times during which I have dismissed the futility of romantism , pooh-poohed the idea of finding the ‘perfect one’ and quietly pitied the ones who think that true love can overcome all adversity.

Despite all of that, I’m a closet romantic. I still think that two people from two completely different backgrounds are probably not the best match for each other.  I don’t think that true love can be found, let alone overcome all adversity.  But somewhere, deep inside me, where my brain cannot quite reach, I harbor this quiet little hope that the impossibility of true love does exist and that everyone, regardless of their cynicism will experience it at least once in their life time. But everytime I allow myself to indulge in that little dream, my rational brain yanks me out of my daydreams because forever, in a rational world simply does not exist.

I grew up on a fairly staple diet of soft rock, English novels written in the Romantic era and Shakespeare.  What I have learnt about my cultural background came from MOE-written chinese textbooks and taiwanese drama serials (anyone remember ‘ya qi’ aka Mute Wife) that describe filial piety, traditions and customs that stem as much from the need for structure as the need to believe that forever and purity exists.

In my family, love is very practical. One can’t eat air or survive on love alone.  A marriage is needed for the stability of bringing up the next generation. A husband who works, a wife who keeps house. Children for the future.  Polygamy, a traditional practise, was no longer allowed by law even though in the past, it was something that only the rich could afford, and practised for the purpose of procreation and siring an heir to the family fortune.

Between these East and West, I’m expected to walk the line.  I was fortunate to be part of a generation that believed in allowing the young to make their choices. They could choose to marry whoever they wanted but to remain celibate till that choice was made. I can marry for love, but I must also be acutely aware of the precarious position I possess by being a female. Marry the wrong man, and love, even with its inifinite possibilities would ruin me.

And so I continue to plod on, hoping that one day, perhaps, I may meet the right person, but I must be practical at the same time and learn how to survive as if I will be alone for all of eternity.

Doris Day
Que Sera Sera

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here’s what she said to me.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

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ChiefMonkey

I've been swinging from place to place looking for new adventures every day.

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