I lost my voice today. And I don’t think I’ve ever been more miserable. I never quite realised how much I enjoy talking until I lost the ability to do so. Worse, I had to do something I rarely do, which is to call in sick. So now some poor soul has to do my ED nights and I’m going to have to repay that person back. Most likely on a night that I would probably really want off but now can’t have off because this kind soul has covered for me. So it doubly sucks. I’m not contagious (I don’t think) but not only does it hurt to talk, but I sound like a squeaky toy when I do talk. I’m not sure, if I’m a patient that I would want me to be their doctor either.
My time in the USA is clearly coming to an end. Visa issues, being on the J1, means I have no choice but to return to Singapore. Except, I do have a choice. I can choose to go anywhere else. Home is the obvious choice especially if you are in your 30s, jobless and with very little prospect of getting one anytime in the near future. But now that I’m in London and re-visiting all the places I had been to when I was here last year, I wonder if I can make my home here or if I will tire of it as I have tired of the US when everything ceases to be novel?
So its been a while.
Since my last vacation, I’ve been working working and working. I thought, at first, that things were going well. And in a way, they were. But then, they weren’t. And before I know it, I suddenly realised that I’ll almost be done and I still have no idea what I wanted to do after residency.
And now I’m home. Everyone keeps asking what my future plans are and to be honest, I don’t know. I know absolutely nothing. I would like to stay in the US for a bit, until I’m board certified perhaps or until something new comes up. But the State Dept dictates that I have to return home for 2 years since I’m subject to 212(e) on my visa.
So there. I’m coming home. A small part of me is glad. But another part of me feels this small mountain of anxiety growing everyday. I still have no job back home waiting for me. No prospect at all. And I’m scared. Very very scared.
Been so bad that it felt like there is no light at the end of the tunnel? And that there is nothing you can do? Of course you hear things like you always have a choice? You can always do something. Sure, you can always do something. But it’s the overwhelming feeling of being lost. Of sitting in this vast overwhelming dark empty space. And not knowing where to look, where to turn, or even whether I should sit or stand, to keep silent or to cry.
Hi, I realise its been a while. But its been a busy couple of weeks. For about 4 weeks, I was busy trying with newborns, then I was on the ward with babies who keep desaturating to less than 92% on room air because they caught RSV.
That said, it hasn’t been all work work and no fun. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a colleague’s birthday party where I definitely partied too much. I will not be repeating that performance. Again.
In the meantime, its Feb 14 today. To many people, it means roses and chocolates and lots of loving (or not). But to me, its the middle of February. Which means that in a few short months, I’ll be graduating (I hope) and I still have no job. *panic*
I’ve never been to Moscow. Or Turkey. Or Cape Town. But a New Year brings new Opportunities. Let’s hope I’ll get the opportunity to visit more new places! And experience more new things!
Hmm…so I tried the chocolate walnut bettelman…it really didn’t taste too bad. At least it tasted better than the bread pudding with fried bananas.
I also made an apricot chicken with coconut milk today. There are several variations of making apricot chicken when you do a google search but it seemed like the gist of it involved marinating the chicken in some sort of spices, and then baking the chicken with the apricot. So I kind of winged it given the ingredients I had on hand (well, I went and bought some dried apricots…but everything else was left over in the refrigerator).
Basically, I marinated the chicken thighs in allspice, pepper and paprika. I basically sprinkled it on rather generously and left it in the refrigerator for an hour. Then I heated some water and threw the dried apricots in there. I think one of the recipes said to simmer it until the apricots look plump, which is what I did. I then put the chicken thighs into a pan and put in enough coconut milk to cover the chicken and put the apricots in it as well before putting it all in the oven at 375F for 1hour. I’m not sure if I should have put in the water containing the apricot juice (I didn’t) but I definitely think having the milk was a must as it kept the chicken really moist and tender. Overall, not too bad for something that I had recklessly made using a combination of different recipes!